From time to time, I am unhappy with my study of a step in Steps to Knowledge.  I had one of these unhappy times with Step 52, “I am free to find the source of my Knowledge.”  The words were easy enough to understand, and the sentence was well-formed.  I wasn’t clear as to why this step should be in this position in the sequence.  I also wasn’t clear as to why the Step used this particular wording.

Was I not free to find the source of my Knowledge when I was on Step 51, but something happened during the study of Step 51 that made me free to find the source of my Knowledge?  Will I still have this freedom when I get to Step 53?

The Step says…

“The source of your Knowledge exists within you and beyond you as well. There is no distinction to the source of Knowledge where it exists, for it is everywhere. Your life has been saved because God has planted Knowledge within you. But you will not realize your salvation until Knowledge has been allowed to emerge and to bestow its gifts upon you.”

I wanted the Step to say “I am free to find God.”  But that seemed to be more than what the Step was saying.  There seemed to be some purpose in wording it as “I am free to find the source of my Knowledge.”  I didn’t get what the purpose of that wording was when I did the Step.  I still don’t.

Who knows, maybe I’ll discover at a later date that my willingness to do Step 52, even though I didn’t find my engagement to be entirely satisfactory, even though I didn’t see why the Step should be where it was, even though I didn’t fully grasp the wording, was an important piece of the puzzle.

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