This is the second posts in a series of seven posts describing my experience of Step 49 of Steps to Knowledge, where I am instructed to review my engagement with the first 48 Steps. I am writing what I wrote when I did the Step, sometime in January of 2011, with any additional commentary if needed.
Step 8 – Today I will be still – “I thought ‘You don’t need to tell me how to be still, buddy.’ So while I didn’t do the Step exactly as instructed, I did the Step” I notice my breathing becoming both slower and shallower as I enter stillness. I also notice a certain inner brightness, unrelated to the amount of light in the room.
Step 9 – In stillness all things can be known – “Being still is building a bridge for Knowledge to emerge in an unguarded moment.” An unguarded moment as in “a moment where I’m not guarding the idea that I am my body, or that I am my individuality.”
Why Am I Doing This, Anyway? – “‘a troubled dream,’ ‘a fever dream.’ I’m taking comfort that I’m not just waiting for the Reaper.” A Course in Miracles uses the phrase “dreams of fever” to describe what passes for reality for most people. It is my sincere hope that my study of Steps to Knowledge will be helpful to others, that it will help my life to be something better than a troubled dream.
Step 10 – What is Knowledge? – “Unlike my little self, Knowledge has no desire to be separate. I think I’m trying to approach Knowledge, but it says here Knowledge is my True Self. My True Self is calling my little self to ItSelf.” I’ve heard the little self called the ego, the concocted self, the secondary self, the constructed self, the imagined self, and so on.
Step 11 – I am not apart from life – “A recap of ACIM [A Course in Miracles]. The Separation is unreal, unhappy perception, does not exist. We consider perception as reality, but reality is far happier.” The perception which passes for reality is that we are not included in life, the reality is that I am not apart from life.
Step 12 – My individuality is to express life itself – “Just as the body is a communication tool, my individuality, my little self, is to express life. Thinking about expressing breast milk.” Let me explain. Nursing mothers occasionally express milk to be consumed at a time when they’re not available. In the same way, life is expressed through my individuality. Thinking of the body as a communication tool is one of the sections of Chapter 8 of the Text of A Course in Miracles.
Step 13 – I want to be separate to be unique – “The price of Separation is infinitely higher than the payoff of uniqueness, or what ACIM calls specialness.” Everyone is at a different station of separation or prodigality: some are headed for the far country, some are coming to their senses in the pig pen, some are on their way back to their father’s house.
Step 14 – Review “As far as I know, I did the Steps as given. I can so see myself in my mind’s eye moderating a group of people who are at various stages of Steps.” This hasn’t happened yet. I am not an early adopter by temperament, neither do I have a history of early adoption, but I believe I am an early adopter of Steps to Knowledge.
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