There are times when I feel I am missing some essential point. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself, but I have found that working through such times of confusion often leads to new consciousness.
I have shared on Step 36. My Life Is a Mystery to Explore before in this space, but I will elaborate some more now. I shared earlier that when I did this Step, I had the desire to explore my life, I wanted to delve beneath the surface and discover something greater, more meaningful, more profound. I still have this desire, I still strive for comprehension, I still recognize a deeper yearning. Yet still I feel I may be missing some essential point. I often wonder if I am merely construing everything to suit my personal preferences. I suspect, however, that my personal preferences abide on the surface of my mind and, while they are a part of me, they do not represent the true core of my being, my True Self.
Step 36 says that if I am seeking for greater meaning, which is true meaning, I must penetrate the surface of my mind. It also mentions my Teachers again, now calling them Spiritual Teachers. These Teachers were first introduced as the Teachers of God in Step 22.
I wrote in my notes that I felt some doubt about having my own Spiritual Teachers who are looking out for me personally, supporting and guiding me. Who are these teachers and why are they interested in me? Is this not just wishful thinking? Or perhaps, again, I am missing some essential point here, my notes say.
However, I am told in this Step that the quality of my relationship with my Teachers is essential to give me strength and encouragement. They know the way to Knowledge, they have passed this way before, and they are seeking to share it with me. I am willing to trust that this is so. If this is part of the mystery of my life I am to explore, I am up for it.
Am I missing some essential point?
I did this Step on December 13, 2012. Today I can say that I have been able to develop a deeper relationship with my Teachers. When I enter stillness, they are there, they give me strength and encouragement. They tell me I am doing fine, but I am still learning and I still have a long way to go. How do I know this? I see my Teachers in my mind’s eye and I hear what they are conveying to me in my mind’s ear. If I am missing some essential point, I think that is natural. After all my life is a mystery to explore and mysteries are not unraveled in one day, or even one year. Finding the missing essential point may take quite some time.
I am on a mysterious lifetime journey and I trust that any essential point I am missing will eventually be revealed.
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