I Will Observe Myself Today

I will observe myself today

With All of Life – touch drawing by Deborah Koff-Chapin 

When I was asked to observe myself in Step 29. I Will Observe Myself Today To Learn Of Knowledge, I was happy to realize that this is something I practice on a regular basis. In general, I am very happy that Steps to Knowledge asks me to engage in things that are within the realm of my normal behavior on any given day. I am already in the habit of checking in with myself regularly to see how I am feeling, noting the thoughts that arise, reflecting on my shifts in mood, recognizing any negative emotions and choosing positive ones instead. I have a practice where I say “Stop” and “No” to any unproductive or downright destructive thoughts and feelings that come up. I mentally raise my hand to them and bar their way.

I hasten to add that I am not always pleased with what I see when I observe myself. So that means my observation is not free of judgment. Cultivating the ability to observe without judgment is something Steps to Knowledge encourages. If I observe myself with judgment I am blocking the flow of Knowledge. And I need to be able to receive Knowledge in order to learn how to give it as well. Step 29 says that “giving must be genuine, born of the overflowing receptivity that you have cultivated within yourself, within your relationships with others and with life.” Often I do not feel genuine, I feel stymied and contrived.

I will observe myself today

The day I did this Step I made a special effort to observe myself every hour and write down what I was thinking and how I was behaving. During one of my hourly observations, I wrote that I felt the presence of Knowledge more acutely. I felt at peace and balanced despite some problems, difficulties, and irritation that surfaced during the day. I was able to keep on top of my emotions and found the hourly practice profitable.

This Step asks me to do more than just observe myself, I am to observe myself to learn of Knowledge. I felt I accomplished this. Knowledge prompted me throughout the day. I kept tabs on what I was thinking and doing and adjusted my thoughts and actions accordingly to yield the most satisfactory results.

When I observe myself and, during this observation, strengthen my connection with Knowledge, I find my life becomes more integrated and productive.


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