I Wish To Know The Truth

I often ask to be shown the Truth, I often wish to know the Truth, in fact this is a permanent, constant desire of mine. But how can I really know?

Steps to Knowledge infers that I can refine the faculties of my mind to hear, feel, and see the Truth. And I must confess that I felt a certain amount of delight when I reached the following Steps; they spoke to something deep within.

Step 17. Today I Want To Hear The Truth tells me, “Developing the ability to hear and the desire to hear will yield to you that which you seek.”

Yes, I seek, and Yes, I want to hear the Truth, this is an ongoing need for me.

Step 18. Today I Feel The Truth Arising Within Myself develops the concept, saying, “It is something you must feel. To have a feeling orientation, your mind must be still. Truth is something you will feel with your entire body, with your entire being.”

Words I used to try and describe this feeling in the past are “I just feel it in the core of my being,” “I feel it in the marrow of my bones.” It has to be experienced, felt, and then you just know. That is how it is with me.

Step 19. Today I Wish To See poses a trickier task since it calls for looking at a physical object, but also says, “The desire to see, then, is the desire to see a greater truth. This requires a greater honesty and a greater openness of mind.”

I wish to know the truth

When I did this Step, I wrote in my notes:

Frankly, I have been having trouble with this step because it calls for looking at a physical object and I am wondering “okay, so what’s supposed to happen when I do?” Like it’s going to miraculously turn into something else before my eyes if I look at it long enough. Huh?

But I realized just now that this is not the point, the physical object is just a solid reference point for starting off. This Step is rather an exercise in impartiality, or flexibility, if you will. It’s not the physical object that is the key, but the way I look at it, my ability to look without preconceived notions or expectations. And then this extends to everything else in the world around me–situations, other people, my own self and the way I perceive things, allowing me to go beyond what “seems” to be on the surface, to some deeper truth within.

I feel that this Step is directing me toward learning how to see with my inner eye, beyond the physical as it seems to appear before me. 

All of this brings me back to one fundamental axiom for me in life—if you feel a persistent tug, go with it, for there you may find the Truth. I felt a persistent tug to return to Russia after studying in Moscow for a semester in 1981. I felt this tug for nine years, until I returned.

And here I have found the environment where the Truth is slowly being revealed to me.

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