I Will Accept My Non-Acceptance As It Is

Step 70 of Steps to Knowledge is a review, but not a review of the past seven steps, as Step 56 and Step 63 are.  Step 70 is a review of the past three weeks worth of practice.  Step 70 is a review of Steps 50 through 69.  One could call it “the little big review,” as Step 49, a review of Steps 1 through 48, is “the big review.”  Steps 1 through 7 are reviewed a total of three times (Step 7, Step 14, Step 49). Steps 8 through 48 are reviewed two times (once in the weekly review, and once in Step 49). Steps 50 through 62 are reviewed two times (once in the weekly review, and once in Step 70). Steps 64 through 69 are reviewed once, in Step 70.  This is the first of a series of three posts on the Step 70 review.

Step 70 is one of three steps (49, 70, and 140) which use the word “Congratulations!”  I’m not exactly sure why congratulations are in order, but anyone who has reached this point realizes that Steps to Knowledge means what it says.  Therefore, I will accept the idea that a certain accomplishment has taken place.

I wrote more about my experience in the Step 56 and Step 63 reviews than I did in the Step 70 review.  But I believe it might still be useful to share what I wrote with a little bit of commentary.

I will accept my non-acceptance as it is

Step 50 – Today I will be with Knowledge – “I seem to recall that I did the practice, but I have no memory of any particular experience.”

Step 51 – Let me recognize my fears so that I may see the truth beyond them – “There is truth beyond my fear that I’m going to **** it all up, fail to reclaim Knowledge.”  In the Step 56 review I wrote “I recall the Bible verse about how the devil, through the fear of death, keeps people in lifelong bondage. Fear reduces to the fear of death, when the chain is followed long enough.  I considered the truth behind a laundry list of fears.”  I am pleased with myself that I wrote a number of posts about this Step.

Step 52 – I am free to find the source of my Knowledge – “I am free to receive God.” In the Step 56 review I wrote “I didn’t get this Step. God is the source of my Knowledge. Does this step mean I’m free to find God today?  I took a vacation of a couple of months before completing this step in the midst of my bewilderment.” On further review, I consider that an error. Don’t do that.

Step 53 – My gifts are for others – “I am mystified by my gifts.  I don’t even know what my gifts are. Child said my autism is a gift.” In the Step 56 review I wrote “This Step was not controversial to me.  I have had a lifelong desire to contribute, but it has been thwarted, mocked, stomped on till it don’t move no more.”

Step 54 – I will not live in idealism – “I have an ideal to be normal.  I have an ideal to be useful.” I wrote in the Step 56 review, “I only have 70 trillion ideals, be a super-missionary, end world hunger, enlighten the planet, etc.”  Between the time I did this step and now, I have given up on the ideal of being normal.  I would like to fulfill my mission in life, though.

Step 55 – I will accept the world as it is – “So this is the world I came to serve.  Talk about your fixer upper.”  In the Step 56, review, I wrote “I accept that I don’t want to accept the world as it is, not even a little bit.”  Acceptance has to start somewhere.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Sowing The Seeds Of My Practice

sowing-seedsI am sowing the seeds of my practice in my world and moving onward and upward toward the light. This is the reason I am sharing my practice of Steps to Knowledge here at Ascending Knowledge.

I began my practice at the beginning of November 2012, and by the beginning of 2013, I was doing the Step 49 Review.  At the beginning of 2014, I have reached the Step 238 Review. I am viewing this as a serious accomplishment.

I am pleased with my Steps practice during the past year. Although it is taking longer than a year to complete the entire study program and I am not doing one step a day, I feel I have adhered to the recommendations given in the Introduction to Steps to Knowledge

“Steps to Knowledge is a complete program of study. Each step takes you higher and closer to your self-discovery. Therefore, plan to go the whole way. If you don’t stop, you will advance.”

I plan to go the whole way, I am not stopping, and I can even say I am advancing.

The Introduction goes on to say:

If you miss a day, simply return to practice. Do not condemn yourself (or the program). You need only continue in Steps to receive its full benefit.

I am continuing in Steps and I feel as though I am reaping the fruits it offers, receiving its full benefit. My life is in harmony, I have meaningful and happy relationships with the other people in my life, my physical, mental, and spiritual needs are being met, I awaken each day raring to go.

And I am:

Sowing the Seeds of My Practice

In February 2013, I found Ascending Knowledge. I do not precisely recall now how I found it, let’s just say the circumstances are mysterious. But find it I did, and it was like coming home. I read every post and then I avidly awaited each new update, finding so much that resonated with me in each and every post.

In July 2013, I was delighted to accept Douglas’s invitation to become a guest blogger at Ascending Knowledge. He said he believed it would be a great way to sow the seeds of my practice in my world and he offered me a spectrum of opportunity.  I could either be a guest for a time period of my choice (a certain number of days, weeks, months) or I could post and edit for as long as I wanted.

I have chosen the second option. Sharing and sowing the seeds of my practice of Steps to Knowledge in my world has been such an inspiring and fulfilling experience for me that I wish to continue. I am so happy with this partnership.

I have the feeling that Douglas is happy with our partnership too.  I hope it is fulfilling his vision of uniting the world in order to successfully emerge into the Greater Community. I hope it is fulfilling his vision of having posts in other languages.

I have a deep yearning to reclaim Knowledge, I have a deep yearning to learn the Truth, I have a deep yearning to return to my Source. I have a deep yearning to play my small part in the whole, to make my contribution. I feel that sowing the seeds of my practice of Steps to Knowledge in my world in 2013 has helped me to satisfy this yearning, but it is only the beginning.

In 2014, I wish to continue this journey with ongoing dedication and perseverance, for it is the journey of a lifetime, and as long as I am alive in this world I am committed to continuing my climb up the mountain.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Knowledge Is With Me – Again

Knowledge is with me - Sculpture in Oro Valley Library, Tucson, Arizona

Step 58 of Steps to Knowledge, “Knowledge is with me,” is the first step in Steps to Knowledge to repeat a portion of a Step.  In Step 1, “I am without Knowledge now,” we are told,

“You start here in the understanding that you are without Knowledge. That is not to say that Knowledge is not with you. It is simply to say that you are not with Knowledge.”

Step 2, “Knowledge is with me.  Where am I?” is the step that Step 58 is partially repeating.  We are told Knowledge is in a part of the mind we have not yet learned to access.

In the big Step 49 review, the phrase “Knowledge is with you” is used as a sort of benediction upon the efforts of the student:

“You have come this far. Congratulations! You have passed the first test. Be encouraged now to proceed, for Knowledge is with you.”

Knowledge is with me

And here we are now at Step 58.  The previous step was Step 57, “Freedom is with me,” and therefore I get the idea that part of the point of the Step is building a connection between freedom and Knowledge.

Step 58 is the first step since Step 31 “I wish to see a world I have never seen before,” where the only practice is a brief, hourly practice.  Another part of the point of Step 58 is to teach the idea that I can practice just about anywhere.

What kind of bridge has been built so far, between where I normally live and where Knowledge abides, in the time between Step 2 and Step 58?  I don’t recall having any remarkable experiences of Knowledge during this time.  I had a happy feeling of demonstrating to myself a certain degree of seriousness as a student.  I had a happy feeling that I was following the directions to the best of my ability.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

I Will Accept My Studenthood As It Is

“Am I hard enough?
Am I rough enough?
Am I rich enough?
I’m not too blind to see” – The Rolling Stones, “Beast of Burden

Step 56 of Steps to Knowledge is the first review after the big review of Step 49, where the previous 48 steps are reviewed.

We are now 15% of the way into the program. A number of remarkable things have been said about Knowledge.  Some people might be wondering whether any of those remarkable things are supposed to have happened by now.  I’m sure some people at this point look back at Step 10, “What is Knowledge?” and ask “Have I had any instances of profound intuition?”  Any times of inexplicable knowing?  Any new insights about the past?

I will accept my studenthood as it is

In other words, some people are putting their experience in one balance, and their ideal of what they think should happen in the other balance.  In other words, they are not accepting their studenthood as it is.  Step 54, “I will not live in idealism” and Step 55, “I will accept the world as it is” are about confronting and penetrating one’s idealism.  It is not a big surprise that the Step 56 review has some material about not comparing one’s studenthood to a non-existent ideal:

“In today’s review, review the past week of lessons and your involvement with them. Try to understand that though progress may appear to be slow at first, that which is slow and even will progress greatly. Involvement that is consistently applied will give you the straight line to your accomplishment.

In your review, we again remind you to refrain from self-judgment if you have not met your expectations. Merely realize what is required to follow the instructions as they are given and involve yourself with them as fully as possible. Remember that you are learning to learn, and remember that you are learning to reclaim your self-worth and your true abilities.”

At this point, Steps to Knowledge seems to me to be disabusing the student of mental habits which lead to suffering.  Mental habits such as believing things not founded in experience (Step 5, “I believe what I want to believe”). Mental habits such as cherishing specialness (Step 13, “I want to be separate to be unique”). Mental habits such as justifying errors (Step 26, “My errors give birth to my knowledge”).  Mental habits such as judging others (Step 30, “Today I will observe my world”). Mental habits such as neglecting relationship (Step 45, “Alone I can do nothing”). Mental habits such as maintaining ideals (Step 54, “I will not live in idealism”).  Anyone who has reached Step 56, and has followed the instructions, has a fighting chance to be suffering less, other things being equal, than they were when they were on Step 1.

Here is the word cloud for Steps 50 to 55

Steps To Knowledge Steps 50-55 Word Cloud - I will accept my studenthood as it is

To recognize Knowledge, practice today. And the next day, and the next day, and the next day…

I will accept my studenthood as it is. It’s what I’ve been told to do, and besides, I suffer less that way.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

What Am I Being With? Why Am I Being With It?

MeditationI took a brief vacation from blogging about Steps to Knowledge after the lengthy Step 49 review of the first 48 steps.  But I am now refreshed and ready to resume the ascent.  Step 50 is “Today I will be with Knowledge.”  What have we been told about Knowledge so far?  We have been told, among other things…

  • I brought Knowledge with me from my Ancient Home. (Step 1)
  • Knowledge is something I greatly need (Step 7)
  • Knowledge is my True Self, a self that is not apart from life (Step 10)
  • Knowledge must be distinguished from my thoughts (Step 15)
  • The Teachers of God assist my discovery of Knowledge (Step 23)
  • My life up to now is a demonstration of life without Knowledge (Step 28)
  • Reclaiming Knowledge is part of my mission in life (Step 33)
  • There is a particular pathway to Knowledge which works for me (Step 38)
  • Reaching Knowledge, like everything else, is a group effort (Step 45)
  • Knowledge works in the limited context of my individuality (Step 46)

After all the amazing things that have been said about Knowledge, to say that I can be with Knowledge is another amazing thing.  Can that really be so?  There seems to be some awareness that I would wonder things like this, as the step instructs “Do not argue with yourself about the reality of your pursuit, for that is wasteful and meaningless.”

I still struggled with the idea of practicing feeling something when I did this step.  It helped when they said “relax and be present.”  I could do that.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Can I Learn To Live Successfully Within My Limitations?

This is the final post in a series of seven posts regarding Step 49 of Steps to Knowledge. In this step, I am reviewing my practice and experience of the first 48 steps.  I am sharing what I wrote when I actually did this step, with additional commentary as needed.

Step 43 – My will is to know God – “My will is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.  My will is to represent God.  My will is to realize God.  My will is to will the will of God.  Even when I’m distracted my will comes back.”  I was improvising on the first question and answer of the Westminster Shorter Catechism, ‘the chief end of man is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.”

Step 44 – I wish to know my own strength – “Find my strength to find my strength.  Bring forth my strength.  Create my strength.”  A student of Steps to Knowledge in Qinghai Province, China, commented, “It’s like the bird learning to fly. The information, the instinct, is in the genetic blueprint, but the bird still has to learn to fly. The bird doesn’t just jump out of the nest and soar into majestic flight at the first go. It might flop, stagger, waver, or fall, but the learning will take place as the bird exercises this ability which it technically doesn’t have yet, but will have.”  The bird has to find flying.  I have to find my strength.

Step 45 – Alone I can do nothing – “I have been very unkind to my little, limited self.”  I have expected it to create its purpose, meaning and directions, which are all jobs above its pay grade.

Step 46 – I must be small to be great – “I will work successfully within my limited context”  I’m recalling that after Swedish poet and avid pianist Tomas Transtromer suffered a stroke disrupting his right side, Ulf Grahn composed a series of left-hand piano pieces for Transtromer to play.  That’s an instance of working successfully within a limited context.

Step 47 – Why do I need Teachers? – “After Steps 46 and 47, wallowing in my limitations, it was no big stretch to think I need a Teacher.”

Step 48 – True instruction is available to me – “Love myself to approach Knowledge, and I will love myself more.  I recalled Step 44 here, bootstrap loader.”  As my colleague said, “The information, the instinct, is in the genetic blueprint [unalterable read-only memory], but the bird still has to learn to fly.”  Knowledge contains certain qualities, but I still have to bring them forth to access them.

Here is the word cloud for Steps 1-49:

Steps to Knowledge Steps 1-49 Word CloudHow do I attain Knowledge?  How do I get to Carnegie Hall?  “Practice, practice, practice”

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Can I Find The Way To The Power Of God?

This is the sixth post in a series of seven posts regarding Step 49 of Steps to Knowledge.  In Step 49, I’ve been told to review my practice and experience of the first 48 Steps.  I am sharing what I wrote when I actually did the Step 49 review, and adding commentary as needed.

Step 36 – My life is a mystery to explore – “I remember thinking the phrase ‘going spelunking in my soul.'” I waited from early 2011 to June 2013 to write that phrase in a blog post.  Part of this step was taking the focus off of life as a result to be judged.

Step 37 – There is a way to Knowledge – “I wrote down this Step in this book,  I seem to think that I need to get high to get to Knowledge.” I wrote down 23 different practices, some of which are about development of character, some of which are about alteration of consciousness.

Step 38 – God knows the way to Knowledge – “I did the Step.  Sometime around this day I got there were Christians who found the way to Knowledge, like Joan of Arc.”  I’ve written two posts about Joan of Arc so far.  I will probably write more in the future.

Step 39 – The power of God is with me – “I did the step, recalling the hymn ‘Immortal, Invisible, God Only Wise.'”  This Christian hymn, written in 1876 to a Welsh melody, talks about God dwelling in inaccessible light.  It talks about God being “unresting, unhasting, and silent as light.”  This hymn had a similar vibration to me as the bit in the next step about the great stillness of God.

Step 40 – Today I will feel the power of God – “I commented on this Step.”  The post about tomato aspic is the commentary I wrote down.

Step 41 – I am not afraid of the power of God – “I commented on this Step.”  In that commentary, among other things, I wrote “The separation is insane, and to maintain it, I must spin a hurtful insane mud world around myself.”  Spinning a mud world around myself is a line from a Robert Bly translation of a Kabir poem.

Step 42 – Review – “I commented on this review.”  In that commentary, I wrote “Another thing I haven’t written down until now is that I’m very briefly scanning through the Steps I’ve done so far, in getting to the Step I’m going to do on a particular day.  That seems to help.”

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Can I Make My Soul A Little Bigger?

This is the fifth post in a series of seven posts regarding Step 49 of Steps to Knowledge, where I am directed to review my practice of the first 48 steps.  I am sharing what I wrote at the time I did this review, with additional commentary as needed.

Step 29 – I will observe myself today to learn of Knowledge – “I remember I started exercising the day I did this Step.  When I’m doing more observing, less judging, Knowledge sneaks in in an unguarded moment.  I didn’t do very well in practicing exactly on the hour, but I practiced a good bit.  I commented on this Step.”  Starting to exercise was definitely a positive development.  Yes, I consider unguarded moments to be valuable.  I now use the alarm on my cell phone to remind me of hourly practice.  It’s a great conversation starter.  I don’t believe my private commentary on this step will be all that helpful.

Step 30 – Today I will observe my world – “Again, like the day before, I didn’t do the Step hourly, but I did it a lot, I considered the possibility of looking on the collapse of America without judgment.”  If you either know me, or read this blog, then you have observed or surmised that I have a certain amount of fondness for, or attachment to, the United States of America and the ideals it seeks to embody.  Contemplating the possibility of looking on the collapse of America without judgment took a great deal of stretching my soul beyond its previous dimensions.

Step 31 – I wish to see a world I have never seen before – “I recalled the ‘Judgment and love are opposites…’ step from ACIM [A Course in Miracles].  I also recalled the John Lennon song ‘Watchin’ the Wheels Go Round.’  Again, I wasn’t good on timely practice, but I practiced a lot.”  Lesson 352 in the Workbook for Students in A Course in Miracles is “Judgment and love are opposites.  From one come all the sorrows of the world.  But from the other comes the peace of God Himself.”  This is more of what I mean when I talk about the overlap between A Course in Miracles and Steps to Knowledge.  The actual title of the John Lennon song is just “Watching the Wheels.”  I find it much less angry than many earlier John Lennon songs.

Step 32 – The truth is with me.  I can feel it. – “I remember mocking this Step, saying the line from 2001 ‘The truth is with me, Dave.  I can feel it.’  I believe there was a big gap between the day I did 31 and the day I did 32.  Holidays?  I commented on this step.”  When Dave Bowman is shutting down the HAL 9000 computer in the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL says “My mind is going, Dave.  I can feel it.”  Did I need some comic relief? I shared my further commentary on Step 32 here.

Step 33 – I have a mission in my life to fulfill – “I remember not enjoying this step, because I was ok with the idea, but never seemed to fulfill it.  I remember thinking it could mean I would be a fanatic, my life organized around my great mission.  On the other hand, I might be fanatic, but normal about it.”  I seem to have issues with either being a fanatic, or being thought of as a fanatic.  Did St. Joan of Arc have a problem with people thinking she was a fanatic?

Step 34 – I am a beginning student of Knowledge – “I remember this Step taking away the pressure from the last Step.”

Step 35 – Review – “I did the Review.  Looking without judgment is the current answer to everything that stinks.”  I remember making the phrase “I will look, but I will not judge” into a little song that I sang over and over around the time I did this step.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Can I Take A Step Into A Larger World?

This is the fourth post in a series of seven posts regarding my experience of Step 49 of Steps to Knowledge.  In this step, I am directed to review my practice and experience of the first 48 steps.  I am sharing what I wrote when I did this step, and adding commentary when needed.

Step 22 – I am surrounded by the Teachers of God – “This step presents the Teachers as critters who have just been a little ways further down the road I’m on. I commented further on this step in this book”  I finally got around to writing about my experience of the steps when I did them, when I did step 22.

Step 23 – I am loved, surrounded and supported by the Teachers of God – “I remember finding this Step as unusual (see commentary)”  This is the commentary I wrote at the time: “One thing I find noteworthy about this step is that it I one of the rare (so far) occasions in Steps where something good is said about the student in his current state.  The feeling for me is a feeling of connectedness, a feeling someone wants me to hit the jackpot, to find the great treasure, to win the brass ring.  I have this thought that, generally speaking, the Teachers don’t do flattery.”

Step 24 – I am worthy of God’s love – “I recall having a nervousness about this step.  What great efforts will I have to make to repair my errors?  I didn’t have an answer for that.  I still don’t”  The step said “Your worthiness in the sight of God is unchanged. There is only great effort to repair your errors so that you may experience your True Self so that it may be rendered into the world.”  At this point, slowly backing away from suffering over my errors is a good first step.

Step 25 – I am at one with the greatest truth of life – “I was nervous that the Step said my Teachers are within me.  See above regarding feeling things.”  Steps 22 and 23 went to great lengths to say that the Teachers of God weren’t just mental constructs or helpful metaphors, but actual individuals.  And now they say they are within me?!?  I’ve already written about my issues regarding practicing feeling things here and here.

Step 26 – My errors give birth to my Knowledge – “This step made me have a great deal of respect for the authors.  I wanted to make the pain of my errors disappear, but not learn from them.  They killed off many bad ideas (or incomplete ideas) in one paragraph.”  If I can learn from my errors, I have a good chance of not committing them again.  They killed off the ideas that error non-exists, that error is pure service, and error could be justified.

Step 27 – I have a wisdom which I wish to discover – “I remember the same thing about this step as Step 17.”  On further review, this Step took what was in Step 17 and elaborated on it, so this is hardly surprising.

Step 28 – Review – “I don’t think I’ve had any miracles yet.  I remember being nervous if I had done the Steps as hard, as much as I shoulda.”  The prayer in Step 28 says “I accept the miracles of my life as a demonstration of the presence of Knowledge…”  The word miracle is used exactly twice in Steps to Knowledge.  A miracle is a demonstration of the presence of the great mystery of one’s life.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Can I Follow Instructions? Can I Take What I Get?

This is the third post in a series of seven posts regarding Step 49 of Steps to Knowledge, where I am instructed to review my practice and experience of the first 48 steps.  I am sharing what I wrote when I originally did this step, with additional commentary as needed.

Step 15 – I shall listen to my experience today – “I don’t remember doing this step very well, but I’m sure I did it.  Listening without judgment is good fer what ails ya.”  What I meant is that I didn’t have much of a memory of my doing this step.  I consider “good fer what ails ya” to be the only correct spelling of this idiom.

Step 16 – Beyond my mind is Knowledge – “I did the Step, but I don’t remember hearing any deeper inclinations at the time.”  Does this mean I failed at the Step?  Not necessarily.  The Step 49 review states:

“You will find as you proceed that some of your failures will lead to greater successes, and that some of what you thought of as successes may lead to failures. This will underscore your whole system of evaluation and will lead you to a greater recognition. This will make it possible for you to be compassionate towards yourself and towards others whom you now judge for their successes and their failures.”

I have a tiny bit of mountain climbing experience, and from this I know that some paths which seem easy at the time result in dead ends, and some paths which seem unnecessarily difficult at the time are actually the paths with the highest probability of success.  Therefore, the ability to take what I get from following the directions is important.

Step 17 – Today I want to hear the truth – “The truth totally disrupted my ideals to be a hero, a hunger-ender, an apostle, a Jedi Knight.”  I’ve only been told all my life by people that they have great expectations of me.  They have quoted the Bible verse “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” (Luke 12:48, New International Version).  I have consistently disappointed both my expectations of myself, and other people’s expectations of me.  I managed to simultaneously flunk out and get kicked out of theological seminary.  I was ineffective at higher and higher levels of volunteering in the Hunger Project.  The disappointment of ambition is an important milestone.  Why am I telling anybody anything about anything?  It’s what I do.  I hope it helps.

Step 18 – Today I feel the truth arising within myself – “I did the Step, but I confess to be bewildered as to all the Steps that say ‘Feel this,’ ‘Feel that.’  The text [of Step 18] was helpful.  I have to become the better person I want Knowledge to make me, in order to approach Knowledge.  The whole Wizard of Oz thing.  I remember thinking ‘Yeah, right, like I know my true goal in life.'”  In the movie The Wizard of Oz, the Wizard gave a task to the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodsman and the Cowardly Lion which required them to bring forth the qualities they desired from the Wizard (intelligence, empathy, and courage, respectively).

Step 19 – Today I wish to see – “I did a hockey puck and a spoon, and I recall that I tried to imagine how the puck got its scratches, and that the light I saw reflected off the spoon was not the spoon.  Just looking at something is loving that thing.  Everything in nature (including me) will reveal its secrets to me if I look at it without trying to impose my thoughts and wishes on it.” I was improvising on the quote from American scientist George Washington Carver:

“Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough. Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower or to the little peanut they will give up their secrets, but I have found that when I silently commune with people they give up their secrets also – if you love them enough.”

Step 20 – I will not let doubt and confusion slow my practice – “I did a rock, and something else.  It’s as if they knew that at this point, doubt and confusion might arise.”

Step 21 – Review – “I did the review, and followed the instructions to chill out.”  Ok, ok, the instructions didn’t literally say to chill out, but they did say to avoid making conclusions and observe the line of development.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.