Am I Missing Some Essential Point?

missing some essential point

There are times when I feel I am missing some essential point. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself, but I have found that working through such times of confusion often leads to new consciousness.

I have shared on Step 36. My Life Is a Mystery to Explore before in this space, but I will elaborate some more now. I shared earlier that when I did this Step, I had the desire to explore my life, I wanted to delve beneath the surface and discover something greater, more meaningful, more profound. I still have this desire, I still strive for comprehension, I still recognize a deeper yearning. Yet still I feel I may be missing some essential point. I often wonder if I am merely construing everything to suit my personal preferences. I suspect, however, that my personal preferences abide on the surface of my mind and, while they are a part of me, they do not represent the true core of my being, my True Self.

Step 36 says that if I am seeking for greater meaning, which is true meaning, I must penetrate the surface of my mind. It also mentions my Teachers again, now calling them Spiritual Teachers. These Teachers were first introduced as the Teachers of God in Step 22.

I wrote in my notes that I felt some doubt about having my own Spiritual Teachers who are looking out for me personally, supporting and guiding me. Who are these teachers and why are they interested in me? Is this not just wishful thinking? Or perhaps, again, I am missing some essential point here, my notes say.

However, I am told in this Step that the quality of my relationship with my Teachers is essential to give me strength and encouragement. They know the way to Knowledge, they have passed this way before, and they are seeking to share it with me. I am willing to trust that this is so. If this is part of the mystery of my life I am to explore, I am up for it.

Am I missing some essential point?

missing some essential point

I did this Step on December 13, 2012. Today I can say that I have been able to develop a deeper relationship with my Teachers. When I enter stillness, they are there, they give me strength and encouragement. They tell me I am doing fine, but I am still learning and I still have a long way to go. How do I know this? I see my Teachers in my mind’s eye and I hear what they are conveying to me in my mind’s ear. If I am missing some essential point, I think that is natural. After all my life is a mystery to explore and mysteries are not unraveled in one day, or even one year. Finding the missing essential point may take quite some time.

I am on a mysterious lifetime journey and I trust that any essential point I am missing will eventually be revealed.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Доверять внутреннему руководству

Доверять внутреннему руководству

Картинка “Исцеляющее присутствие” любезно представлена Брюсом Харманом

For English version click here.

По мере того, как я занимаюсь Шагами к Знанию, я учусь доверять внутреннему руководству. Шаг 22. Я окружен божественными учителями подтверждает эту мысль.

Шаг 22 гласит прямо: «Ты окружен божественными учителями. Они присутствуют, чтобы любить, поддерживать и направлять тебя».

Как мне свойственно, однако, я не могу писать об опыте своего занятия Шагами без упоминания своего сомнения и скептицизма.

В своих записях по этому шагу я написала:

«Сколько я себя помню, я всегда верила в присутствие ангелов, в то, что существует благосклонная сила, которая присматривает за мной, и даже надеялась, что есть у меня личный ангел-хранитель. Когда я медитирую, я могу себе представить эту силу, вызывать в воображении этих божественных учителей, даже почувствовать их любовь и поддержку. Но, увы, за этим почти сразу следует сомнение. А что если это просто мое предположение, может быть я всего лишь верю тому, чему я хочу верить (Шаг 5)?

Мой ум – удивительная вещь. Он может вызывать что угодно в воображении, но кто знает, правда ли это или нет?

Когда я занималась этим шагом, я заодно также читала ещё один текст Нового Послания, который называется «Лучи Пробуждения».

Этот духоносный текст начинается:

Сила и Присутствие наблюдает за тобой
И за всеми людьми мира
В ожидании тех, кто готов
В ожидании тех, кто готов пробуждаться
После долгого сна
Тщетных желаний и разочарования
Наблюдает за миром
В ожидании тех людей,
Которые ищут свободу.
А не просто внешнюю свободу
Но и внутреннюю свободу
В ожидании того момента
Когда человек будет готов.

Доверять внутреннему руководству

После того, как я прочитала этот текст, я дальше написала в своих записях:

Сила и Присутствие – подразумевает ли это то внутреннее руководство, те божественные учителя? Я читаю и перечитываю Лучи Пробуждения. Первое, что пришло на ум – я не готова, я ещё сплю, я пока не пробудилась, я что-то пропустила, что-то жизненно важно. Это  было для меня момент смирения.

“Потом я подумала: Как же так? У меня ведь были моменты пробуждения в своей жизни. Не от отчаяния или разочарования, а скорее в связи с поиском чего-нибудь более существенного, более достоверного, более постоянного, более жизненно важного. В прошлом было именно так, до того как, я переехала в Россию… Теперь того, что я искала, существует в моей жизни. Получается, что я на самом деле пробудилась уже, окликнула тому внутреннему зову, который зовет к более значительному предназначению в этом мире, а теперь уже живу той жизнью, которая суждена для меня сейчас. Не так ли? Или я на самом деле что-то пропустила? Пропустила что-то жизненно важно?”

Нет, всё-таки нет. Сегодня я чувствую себя более уверена, меньше сомневаюсь. У меня ещё есть вопросы, но я учусь доверять внутреннему руководству.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Trusting My Inner Guidance

Trusting my inner guidance

This beautiful painting called Healing Presence is brought to us courtesy of Bruce Harman at Harman Visions

In practicing Steps to Knowledge, I am trusting my inner guidance. This is confirmed in Step 22. I Am Surrounded By The Teachers Of God.

Step 22 states in no uncertain words:

You are surrounded by the teachers of God. They are here to love, support and direct you.

As always though, I cannot write about my experience and practice of Steps without mentioning my doubt and skepticism.

My notes for this Step say:

“As far back as I can remember, I have always believed in angels, in a benevolent power looking after me, and even hoped there might be a personal angel just for me. I can visualize this presence, these Teachers of God, when I meditate, and even feel their love and support, but unfortunately, even here, doubt creeps in. Am I not just believing what I want to believe (Step 5)?

“My mind is an amazing thing, I can convince myself of anything I want, but is this the Truth?”

Today I realize again that I have no trouble feeling the presence of these Teachers of God, I can even see them in my mind’s eye and feel their support. But I also ask the same question as Douglas, are they merely a mental construct?

When I did this Step, my attention was drawn to a New Message teaching called “The Rays of Initiation.” 

This is a very powerful text that begins:

The Power and the Presence watches over you
And all people in the world
Waiting for those
Who are ready
Waiting for those
Who are ready to awaken
From their deep sleep
Of desire and disappointment
Watching over the world
Waiting for those minds
That seek freedom.
Not just an outer freedom
But an inner freedom
Waiting for the moment
Of readiness
In the individual.

Trusting my inner guidance

My notes continue after reading this teaching:

The Power and Presence – I am wondering if this is the same as the Teachers of God? I have been reading and rereading the Rays of Initiation. My first reaction was that I feel I am missing some vital point, I am not ready, I am still asleep, and this was a very humbling thing to feel.

“Then I wondered ‘How can this be?’ since I have had many ‘awakening’ experiences, although not born of despair and frustration, but rather from seeking for something more real, more authentic, more permanent and more essential – that has certainly been my experience in the past, until I moved to Russia . . . Now all those things I sought are present in my life. So I am wondering, did I respond to my greater calling, greater purpose back then, before I was conscious of all that is presented in the New Message? And now I am living my real life, the life I was destined to live at this time? Or am I indeed missing some vital point?

“I am thinking that it must be possible for people to respond to their greater calling unconsciously.”

Today I feel more certain, more confident. I still have questions, but I am trusting my inner guidance.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Another Force Of Nature Speaks

Another force of nature speaks at Volcanoes National Park, Hawaii, USA

I have listened to the forest, where God is full of life of every shape and size. I have listened to the mountain, where God is full of ancient strength. I have listened to the river, where God is restless in these swelling and ebbing currents. I have listened to the ocean, where God has said with the voice of many waters, “I have work to do.”

Another force of nature speaks

Step 75, “Today I will listen to my Self” of Steps to Knowledge, adds a force of nature for me to hear. Not the feverish little clod of grievances and ailments complaining that the world will not turn on a dime to make it happy. This is the first time the term “Greater Self” is used to describe Knowledge. This Greater Self is united with the Teachers who were introduced in Step 22, “I am surrounded by the Teachers of God.” The Teachers have been mentioned in a number of steps between Step 22 and Step 75. This is the first time the term “Spiritual Family” is mentioned. This Greater Self is united with my Spiritual Family. I am asked to listen to my True Self today.

The point of the Step is to practice listening to that True Self, not so that I can get an answer about this or that today, but to prepare myself for the moment when that True Self offers a thought, an impression, an inclination or a direction. I recall when doing this Step that my True Self was another force of nature, like the ocean or a mountain. I prepare for the day when another force of nature speaks.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Dreaming Of A Unified Humanity

Dreaming of a unified humanity

I have had a conversation with one of my children, who will be called “Child” for the purposes of this blog post.  This conversation took place over the past couple of years in various times and places.

Child: Dad, what would you do if you knew you could not fail? (I believe Child heard someone ask this as part of a motivational speech.)

Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar would tell you to believe in your dream.  Dreaming of a unified humanity

Me (without missing a beat): I would unite the warring tribes of humanity. (Out of all the times that question is asked, I believe that response is rare, but there it is.)

Me: Have I told you about Joan of Arc? (I have other children, and I forget which speech I have given to which child)

Child: No, what about her?

St. Joan of Arc dreamed of a unified France, living at peace with England.  Dreaming of a unified humanity

Me: Well, she lived in France in the early 1400’s, during a time when France was divided between different groups, and oppressed by England.  When she was 13, she began to experience inner voices speaking to her, whom she identified as St. Margaret, St. Catherine, St. Michael, and others.  I consider these voices to be the voices of Joan of Arc’s Teachers, who are first mentioned in Step 22, “I am surrounded by the Teachers of God” of Steps to Knowledge. (Child is aware that I am studying Steps to Knowledge, and also recognizes that it is a relatively unknown, out-of-the-ordinary text at this time.  Out of filial piety, Child regards my study of Steps to Knowledge with polite, inquisitive skepticism.)

When she was 16, the voices encouraged / insisted / commanded her to help Charles VII of France.  She demonstrated instances of inexplicable knowing which caused people to take her seriously.  She was well-known for helping the French lift the siege of Orleans in 1429.  About a year after that, she was captured, tried for heresy and witchcraft, and burned at the stake.

(The instances of inexplicable knowing included (among other things) her awareness of the French defeat outside Orleans in February of 1429, her knowing the location of the sword buried behind the altar at the church of St. Catherine, and her communication to Charles VII which conclusively settled the question of the legitimacy of his birth.  No, I didn’t say all these things to Child on this one occasion.  I believe the term for this is a “composite.”)

Child: Couldn’t the angels have put out the flames and broke the ropes when she was being burnt at the stake?

Me: Maybe, but instead they helped her to be brave, forgiving to her killers, and faithful to what she knew to be true. (I blew the chance to say “If the angels put out the flames and broke the ropes, what would they have to do after that?”)

Dreaming of a unified humanity

Me: Joan of Arc had a dream.  Her dream was that of a unified France, living at peace with an England that respected its borders.  It didn’t happen in her lifetime.  It took a little less than 500 years for it happen.  In 1904, England and France signed a peace treaty, the Entente Cordiale.  They have lived at peace with each other for the past 109 years. (It was 476 years between the time Joan’s voices directed her to come to the aid of France, and the signing of the Entente Cordiale.)

Britain and France have been at peace for 109 years.  Dreaming of a unified humanity

Child (with facial expression of realizing something): Well, maybe in the same way that it took 500 years or so for Joan of Arc’s dream to come true, it might take 500 years for your dream of a unified world to come true. That doesn’t make it any less wonderful of a dream. (I hope it will happen faster, but I took great joy in those words. I take great joy in sharing them with you.)

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Can I Take A Step Into A Larger World?

This is the fourth post in a series of seven posts regarding my experience of Step 49 of Steps to Knowledge.  In this step, I am directed to review my practice and experience of the first 48 steps.  I am sharing what I wrote when I did this step, and adding commentary when needed.

Step 22 – I am surrounded by the Teachers of God – “This step presents the Teachers as critters who have just been a little ways further down the road I’m on. I commented further on this step in this book”  I finally got around to writing about my experience of the steps when I did them, when I did step 22.

Step 23 – I am loved, surrounded and supported by the Teachers of God – “I remember finding this Step as unusual (see commentary)”  This is the commentary I wrote at the time: “One thing I find noteworthy about this step is that it I one of the rare (so far) occasions in Steps where something good is said about the student in his current state.  The feeling for me is a feeling of connectedness, a feeling someone wants me to hit the jackpot, to find the great treasure, to win the brass ring.  I have this thought that, generally speaking, the Teachers don’t do flattery.”

Step 24 – I am worthy of God’s love – “I recall having a nervousness about this step.  What great efforts will I have to make to repair my errors?  I didn’t have an answer for that.  I still don’t”  The step said “Your worthiness in the sight of God is unchanged. There is only great effort to repair your errors so that you may experience your True Self so that it may be rendered into the world.”  At this point, slowly backing away from suffering over my errors is a good first step.

Step 25 – I am at one with the greatest truth of life – “I was nervous that the Step said my Teachers are within me.  See above regarding feeling things.”  Steps 22 and 23 went to great lengths to say that the Teachers of God weren’t just mental constructs or helpful metaphors, but actual individuals.  And now they say they are within me?!?  I’ve already written about my issues regarding practicing feeling things here and here.

Step 26 – My errors give birth to my Knowledge – “This step made me have a great deal of respect for the authors.  I wanted to make the pain of my errors disappear, but not learn from them.  They killed off many bad ideas (or incomplete ideas) in one paragraph.”  If I can learn from my errors, I have a good chance of not committing them again.  They killed off the ideas that error non-exists, that error is pure service, and error could be justified.

Step 27 – I have a wisdom which I wish to discover – “I remember the same thing about this step as Step 17.”  On further review, this Step took what was in Step 17 and elaborated on it, so this is hardly surprising.

Step 28 – Review – “I don’t think I’ve had any miracles yet.  I remember being nervous if I had done the Steps as hard, as much as I shoulda.”  The prayer in Step 28 says “I accept the miracles of my life as a demonstration of the presence of Knowledge…”  The word miracle is used exactly twice in Steps to Knowledge.  A miracle is a demonstration of the presence of the great mystery of one’s life.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Why Do I Need Teachers? Let Me Count The Ways

Learning or downloading?The idea of the Teachers of God was introduced in Step 22 of Steps to Knowledge, and elaborated on in Steps 23, 24, 25, 28 and 36.  They are being mentioned again in Step 47, but as part of larger discussion about the nature of learning.  I quote from the Step:

“You have been prepared through relationships for everything that you have learned, whether it be a practical skill or a deeper insight.”

The way I see this, when anyone has the thought, “Hmm…maybe I should learn more about this particular subject,” if it is traced back far enough, it is another way of saying “Perhaps if I learned more about this particular subject, I could contribute something more to a certain relationship than I am currently contributing.”  The very thought that I should care goes back to relationships.

Even in the area of practical skills, people have things they don’t know that they don’t know about themselves, and they have things they don’t know that the don’t know about the thing about which they want to learn something.  I consider it a miracle that learning takes place as often as it does.

People will vigorously protest that they know how to learn.  But the same people will also vigorously protest that they know how to eat.  I willingly grant that people know how to put things in their mouths, chew them and swallow them.  But how many of these people have health issues because they’re eating too much of this and not enough of that?  And why are they eating too much of this and not enough of that?  Some people’s learning is more profitable than other people’s learning, just like some people’s eating is more healthy than other people’s eating.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

St. Joan of Arc and Knowledge

St. Joan of ArcDuring the time I studied step 37 of Steps to Knowledge (“There is a way to Knowledge”) and step 38 (“God knows the way to Knowledge”), I entertained some thoughts as working hypotheses: 1) There have been Christians from time to time who have reached Knowledge, the great mystery of a person’s life, their True Self which is not apart from life, 2) those who did so considered their Teachers as saints and angels, and 3) St. Joan of Arc is an instance of one of those individuals.

The story of St. Joan of Arc is told in many places, and has touched the hearts of many people.  But there are certain aspects of particular interest to me. It has an instance of inexplicable knowing (Joan asking for the sword her voices told her was buried behind the altar at the church of St. Catherine).  It has an instance of someone declaring the mission in their life (Joan declaring as she embarked on her mission “I am not afraid, for God is with me.  I was born for this!”)  I realize someone is going to read this and think “Well, maybe France deserved to be divided and subjugated by foreign powers.”  I consider that a conversation for another time.

No one remembers Bishop Pierre Cauchon, the leader of the ecclesiastical kangaroo court which sentenced Joan to death.  No one remembers the person who lit the flames.  I believe that Joan would be pleased at the long-lasting peace between England and France, the Entente Cordiale of 1904.  I believe Joan would be pleased to see a unified France.  One day there will be a saint of whom someone will say “I believe St. So-and-so would be pleased to see a unified world.”

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

Alone Is An Unword In This Poem

Communal Skin

I recall being not particularly happy with my study of step 25 in Steps to Knowledge “I am at one with the greatest truth of life” for multiple reasons.

I was eagerly waiting for a proposition to be proposed, only to be told that this great truth is an experience coming from great relationships.

Steps to Knowledge has already used the word “great” a number of times, and consistently uses it as an descriptive adjective signifying “large” or “larger than other things.”

I was not particularly happy with being told I hold a great relationship with life. On my weaker days, I have a hard time thinking life and I have been very good to each other. On my stronger days, I try to be a little bit better to life, and I recognize that life is trying to be a little bit better to me.

I was not particularly happy with being told I hold a great relationship with my Teachers, who are within me.  Are they merely a mental construct?  That doesn’t seem to go with Step 22 “I am surrounded by the Teachers of God” and Step 23 “I am loved, surrounded and supported by the Teachers of God.”  I was not particularly clear as to what was meant by “within,” and not particularly happy about that.

I was not particularly happy with being instructed to practice feeling this relationship.  I was not happy because I was still struggling with the very premise of practicing feeling something, and the fact that I’ve been given this instruction three times in the first 25 steps, signified to me that this is something about which I need to come to a better resolution.  I was not particularly clear as to which relationship I was being asked to practice feeling.  My relationship with life?  My relationship with my Teachers?

You get the idea.  On the other hand, other students have reported great happiness as they practiced this step.  It would seem that analysis has its limits.  That might be the point.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.

True Or False, Right Or Wrong, They Mean It

This Time I Mean It Day

A new idea was introduced in Step 22 of Steps to Knowledge, the idea of the Teachers of God, whose presence can be felt, who are here to love, support and direct their students. Some people may read this and think, “Ah, well, this is a useful, empowering construct, a helpful metaphor.”  But Step 23 is the first step in Steps to Knowledge where all the words of the previous step “I am surrounded by the Teachers of God” are present in the next step in the same order “I am loved, surrounded and supported by the Teachers of God.”

The first two sentences of the step suggest that there is some awareness that this is a challenging idea:

The truth of this will become self-evident as you prepare, but for now it may require great faith. This idea may challenge existing ideas or beliefs, but it is true nonetheless.

I am amused by the use of the word “self-evident” in this step, because I have used that word in working definitions of Knowledge here and here.  The word “true” is used many times in Steps to Knowledge, but relatively infrequently in the context of saying “x is true,” where x is a proposition.  This is the second time this has happened in Steps so far.

Therefore, if anyone is going to go forward in the study of Steps to Knowledge, the idea of the benevolent presence of the Teachers of God is an idea to seriously consider.

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Welcome to Mystery of Ascension! Добро пожаловать в Тайну просветления! We document the study of the New Message from God in general, and the book Steps to Knowledge in particular. Мы тут делимся своим опытом изучения Нового Послания от Бога, в общем, и книги Шаги к Знанию в частности. Find out more about us here. Узнайте больше о нас здесь. Find out how to contact us here. Узнайте, как связаться с нами здесь.