“How can there not be a way for Knowledge to express itself when it is the most natural form of expression?” is one of the questions asked at the beginning of Step 37. There is a way to Knowledge of Steps to Knowledge.
After the questions, the Step states in no uncertain terms: “There is a way to Knowledge.” And goes on to elaborate, “It requires skill and desire.”
I wrote in my notes that for me desire is the key, I want to find the way to Knowledge, it is the driving force behind my being. And I add today that it is the most natural form of expression. What do I mean by that? I mean that as I continue taking Steps to Knowledge, I feel this increasing comfort and ease, I feel things falling into place, I feel this growing sense that I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing. So now I can confirm that finding the way to Knowledge is the most natural form of expression.
The most natural form of expression
I hasten to add though that on the day I did this Step (December 14, 2012), I was baulking and struggling and thinking, “I do not need to do that!”
This was when, instead of entering stillness and engaging in deep meditation during the two practice periods, the Step asked me to take a piece of paper and write down all the ways to get to Knowledge, exhausting all the possibilities I could think of. I was very resistant to this suggestion. I did not want to be writing things down. Not that I have anything against writing things down, it is something I do quite regularly, I just did not want to be doing it on command, and my mind was a blank anyway. However, I decided I should not be so faint-hearted, I kept coming back to the Step, rereading it, and finally took up my pen. And once I started, I couldn’t stop, the words kept flowing onto the page.
This is what I wrote:
Ways to gain access to Knowledge – listening to my inner voice, heeding my intuition, my gut feeling, being aware of how I feel after making certain choices or decisions – do I feel peace and contentment, or is something bothering me still, does something feel not quite right? Being aware of how I feel in general, keeping tabs on my reactions, emotions, feelings, consciously keeping my eyes open, being attentive to what is going on, analyzing my feelings, reactions. Having the desire to know the truth, seeking knowledge, gaining insight into myself and my relationships. Paying attention to what other people say, keeping my mind alert to heed messages that come my way, be it in something I read, correspondence with family and friends, some thought or idea that pops into my head, probing and feeling for what feels right, asking to be shown the truth, not pushing things, not expecting instant solutions, being aware that some of my choices are not based on Knowledge and the Truth and need to be adjusted without regret or sorrow. Always seeking, always asking, always desiring to know the Truth.
And something clicked.
Now, for me, this is the most natural form of expression.
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